"Write when you get work" is what my mom used to say to us when we were heading back to college after one of our breaks. It was meant tongue and cheek but it popped into my head as I am about to embark on a new journey and join the ranks of the employed once again. As hard as it is to fathom that I've been off for 15 months, I also cannot believe where the time went. I mean I was busy. It's not as if I was just hanging out watching Regis and Kelly at 9, The View at 10, my "stories" all afternoon while waiting for Ellen to come on at 3 (ok, MAYBE I stayed home a few days but I was busy most days) . For example, I took on a couple of contract jobs so at a minimum I could brush up on my social skills before going back to work full time. I tortured myself selling church calendars for 4 months which I am convinced earned me direct access to the gates of heaven. (Up to this point I've been concerned that my soul wouldn't actually leave the coffin but I am confident now I will at least get to plead my case to St. Peter). Can I say the pain and suffering I went through selling calendars compares to the pain and suffering of Jesus hanging on the cross? Yes, I think I can. But, I plan on confirming with Him if I get past Pete. Now, there's still a good chance I'll get rejected and head straight down to stoke the fire in hell while awaiting my friends but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

From the calendars, I moved into a banking environment for 2 1/2 months to do a mindless job filling in a database. There was absolutely no challenge to the task I was performing but I wasn't on the phone getting screamed at so it was a welcome change. Plus, the bank served another purpose. Once I was back in the financial world I started to feel like I was ready to get back to work. I updated my status on LinkedIn and could not believe how many of my former colleagues were working in the area. People were calling to do lunch and go out for happy hour. Suddenly, I felt like the most popular girl on LaSalle Street. For those couple months I was Mary Tyler Moore...I was gonna make it after all.

As mind-numbing as the work was at the bank it provided me with a lot of fodder. I won't speak for the entire floor I worked on but I will say 70% of the employees had not updated their wardrobe or hair styles since 1989. There was easily a month's worth of episodes for TLC's "What Not to Wear". From the over-sized eyeglasses, the perms and the blouses with shoulder pads I thought it would be best if some of these people got laid off just so they could watch TV and notice things have changed since the "Growing Pains" years. And there was one woman in complete denial that she had gone up a pant size in the past 2 decades. It was so uncomfortable to watch her parade around the office with her entire inseam tucked into her crevices. One afternoon I actually saw her bottom eat her khakis as she fought to pull them out. And, to top it off she was wearing a thong! Made me really happy I'm not a pair of pants.

The banking job served its purpose and I was able to secure a permanent job. I took 3 weeks off before starting and there was truly a difference in how I felt. As much as I enjoyed being off, I realized things were becoming very familiar now that Spring had arrived. I was back walking on the lakefront, taking pictures for tourists and giving directions to the museums. I watched the bulldozer spread the sand on the beaches in anticipation of the summer season. The buoys were being dropped in Monroe Harbor waiting for the boats to arrive. And the warm weather had all the outdoor cafes open for the fabulous people-watching lunches in the Gold Coast. I love sitting outside watching perfectly coiffed ladies walking dogs the size of ferrets. Or, the old men peacocking arm in arm with jail bait 30 years their junior hoping they get back home before their Viagra wears off.

Then, as I sat for my last lunch before going back to work I spotted "exercise man". He's a tall, lanky guy in his mid 50s who wears the kind of smile that tells you he's probably just a little bit crazy. He walks briskly in his daisy duke shorts and wife-beater while tugging on a resistance band over his head. Until I saw him, I think I was a little worried I might miss something if I was tied to a desk all day. But once I spotted him, I realized I had seen it all and it was time to get back to my real life. Plus, I started to worry people might recognize me. Not that I'm famous, but I do have a routine. I've been walking from my house to the north side for over a year and I'm willing to bet since I'm starting to see the same people I might get recognized as well. So I think the timing is perfect that I'm heading back to an office Monday through Friday. I'll be back here on the weekends but frankly, I'm just not sure I want anyone pointing at me and saying "there goes the streetwalker".

Today's EiPod: "Working for the Weekend", Loverboy